Ba hum bug

I thought it was weird when people would write messages to people without using their names but numbers....but I guess I want to do it now. Mainly, 'cause I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO.

1. I'm so glad you're part of my life. You're my best friend and I don't think you really know it. Last night when I was mad and I stepped outside of the group, you followed me and checked to see if I was okay. Despite how angry I was, that didn't stop you from being a true friend. Your kind words really make a difference. No friend has ever been there for me like that.
2. SHIT, you know me too well. You know when I call you over it's 'cause I'm going to tell you who I am jockin on LOL. I like how we catch people's awkward moments and we laugh about it..hysterically.
3. Gosh, your ego is up in the fucking heavens. Everyone was wrong about you.
4. I don't like it when I'm with you. I feel so pressured in many ways. Whatever though...
5. I sometimes think about you and I end up missing you. But I'm too scared to say anything. I just don't want any awkward tension...and any of us to get hurt.
6. I hope you're happy now..even though it's said in a bitter tone.
7. I've lost faith in you because you keep doing the same mistakes over again.
8. I feel bad for people like you because you don't know what's infront of you since you're just so busy thinking about yourself.
9. Someone needs to pull that stick out of your ass.
10. I love you two together.

At least once..

I would like to see my parents happy like this....


Not that kind of happiness because they are back together (like that would ever happen) but just happy enough to communicate with each other without hostility. Anyway, they were a cute couple and had sick style!














GOODNESS. My mom was such a hottie!




<333 href="http://s91.photobucket.com/albums/k300/littlest3phy/babieesss/?action=view&current=babb0003_1.jpg" target="_blank">

GOSH

I have goals I plan to achieve and most of them are pretty realistic too. But fuck, once I fail..I feel so discouraged.

The (not so) big one nine!

Last weekend was my birthday weekend!! It pretty much consisted of my family and friends dinner at BJS. Party of 40! Woo! Then, a party at my friend's friend's house. Just good times like the usual. Then my actual birthday I just chilled with my friends since it was on a Monday. I really couldn't ask for anything more since I got everything I wanted, not materialistic wise.

I guess I'm used to not expecting much from people. It's pathetic how most of the time I'm true though. Whatever, I'm slowly growing over it. Can't wait till I completely do so I won't fucking get hurt anymore.

I can't believe February is just in two more days. Life does go by fast when you're having fun =]. But fuck Valentine's Day! All my friends are going to be busy. Ugh.

"When in doubt, bar it out!"

So today I basically just hungout with Brian. There was completely nothing to do. Every person we called was at home. So what was there to do? Go to the bar of course. They don't card so it was no hassle to get alcohol. We were just chilling with our beers and talking. I might move in with him and Giann this summer. Honestly, I wouldn't room with anyone else but them. It's really better than rooming with a bunch girls.....seriously. But the only things holding me back are 1) My parents don't have money to spend on rooming just like that. Therefore, I might have to pull out on some loans. And I've given this a lot of thought. I don't want to have to deal with paying loans when I get married and start my life. I don't want the start of my life with stress with debts. I'm only thinking about this so my future later on can be a breeze. Economy is bad as it is and it might get worse through the years.BUT possibly moving out would be the wise choice. Moving out would mean less stress to handle therefore succeeding more with my schooling. It goes both ways. Deal with debts while suceeding more in school or graduating with average grades without no debts. I DON'T KNOW. 2) I don't want to leave my mom alone. I don't want to get into too much detail about it, but I'm just so worried who is going to take care of her when I'm gone. I know that MYSELF is priority but family comes first and foremost, even before me.

Lately, when I'm at home I think a lot about where I am in life. I'm sure most of you do too since there's really nothing to better to think about than yourself, right? But anyway, I was thinking about how I've never been happier in life. I finally found my group of friends who I don't have to worry about impressing or having non-sense drama with. Like what Brian said, "When you're with us, there's nothing to worry about." I finally feel comfortable and happy with a group of best friends. I've gone through so much with friends and it's come to this. Sure, I had to deal with a lot of emotional stress but it was all worth it. Cheesey as it sounds but it's really the plain truth. And I'm also proud to say that I'm happy..without a man. Life is good. Life is at it's best. I thank God for blessing me with such wonderful friends and a loving family.

SO happy

We finally started dancing in my hip hop class at school. And even though it's just a small class, nothing too extravagant, it makes me so happy. Besides being with family and friends, nothing can make me happier than dancing.

Fuck, if only I kept up with it. That's the ONE thing I regret in my life..

Small, small world.

I got bored and decided to hook up my old computer together. The first thing I did was look at old pictures. And it was just really weird seeing my ex-boyfriends be connected to each other somehow! I really hope that the next boy I'm involved knows no one who I know. It's rather quiet....awkward when my ex knows my ex. Or I should just stop dating 909/626 boys. It's not like any of them lasted anyway................................(no intention to make them look bad, it's just that none of them lasted).

Also, looking through the pictures it reminded me of how much of a "lost" teenager I was. I was so easily influenced with which ever group I was part of. I was just completely lost with myself. At least now I know "what's right and wrong" now! Gosh, I was such an idiot back then. I would usually party with college people (bc my friend at the time was in college), drink on the weekdays, come home on the wee hours of the morning. No wonder why my mom wanted me back in private school! I just grew up too fast but I calmed down a lot now. I've got my head on straight! I just can't believe I started drinking at the tender age of 16. I was a wild child and sure did show it with my blond hair, grey contacts, fake eyelashes, and high heeled boots. Don't know what I'm talking about! LOOK!

Haah it's out of order.

This makes me want to cut my hair again! BUT NO!!!!!!! NEVER AGAIN.

OH MY.

One drank isn't enough!

Hip hop at its finest.

While drinking with the homies, Vistro and I were flipping through the iPod and came upon some old hits. I don't know any other friend who knows the same old school music taste as me! We started blasting some Naughty by Nature, Public Enemy, and Blackstreet! Then, we went on Youtube and started searching for 80's and 90's hip hop hits so we can make our SICK ASS mix cd. Gosh, it was bringing me back to when I was 5. Despite at how young I was, good music was no stranger to my ears. I always wished I was older like my cousins who rocked the overalls with one side unhooked. They were always bumping their TLC and Boyz II Men as if they owned the neighborhood. I was just so influenced to such (what I think is) good music. A little over 10 years later "hip hop hoorrrayy" never seems to get old. Even though at the time and even still now, I may not know all the titles of the songs or even know the artist, know what hood they grew up in, all that stuff..but I do know what good music sounds like. I just think its unfortunate that today hip hop music has evolved into something I don't love as much as I do with earlier music. Maybe that makes that music so good is its history. But still...music today just isn't the same.

So speaking of old school, I was VERY VERY fortunate to see Boyz II Men in concert this last Tuesday. The following words doesn't justify how I really felt. No exact words can really explain their performance. It was to say the FUCKING least......amazing. They played their old hits like, "On Bended Knee", "End of the Road", "Water Runs Dry", and of course "I'll Make Love to You". A year or two ago they released a CD containing of Motown classics like "All This Love" and "Just My Imagination", which they performed along with the smooth choreography artists of the 50s did. 18 years (I can't believe they are as old as me) later they still have that energy to entertain their fans. Not only are they astounding singers, but they are passionate about their talent. Passionate yet humble. Their "thanks yous" to the crowd is so modest, not like the artists today. They bowed after every song and when they shook any fans hands, it was with a firm grip. I just don't see that gentleman-like attitude today in entertainment. Times have really changed.

A night I will never ever forget!!

Here's one of the videos from the concert..(I can't upload the other ones =[)

Just want to jot down some plans for my life.......

-Get the fuck out of FJC when I'm 21.
-Be an intern at a radio station this upcoming summer.
-Take summer classes to lessen my stay at FJC.
-Pretty have NO social life. That's going to be so hard with me.
-Graduate by 24 with a bachelors in Business Entertainment.
-Be really happy with my career choice while making $$$ so I can live comfortably for myself and my family.

I don't believe

in love anymore. I see it but don't feel it.

It's all stupid shit to me now.

"I remember mama said:

You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love dont come easy
Its a game of give and take"

I heard this song in the car and it completely took my full attention. It's pathetic that I relate it to my life but it certainly does it explain it well! I think I will make a Motown CD for those "I feel so good right now" drives.

Tonight, I was with Brian, Caresse, Vistro, and Jordan. We ate at Lucille's but were only limited to appetizers because my gift card was only worth $12.54. After, we didn't know what to do but since "it was Wednesday" we decided to drink and go to Downtown Disney. Majority chose Crown Royal while I desired some other alcoholic beverage since every time I drank that shit, I threw up =[. But this time I was a champ! It was just fun times again. Just laughing at stupid stuff. I'm really taking advantage of all this free time I have, since next week I start school. 17 units will be the death of me. And I really plan to get A's and only A's.

This week has been quiet eventful already. I went to a karaoke bar for the first time for Jordan's birthday! The video below will explain all the fun that happened that night. Soju is my new love. The next day my high school friends and I took a trip to LA for Michelle's bday. Our first stop was Santa Monica Pier where we took those classic photobooth pictures and we ate at Bubba Gumps. Second stop was Chinese Theatre where Judith got attacked by Spongebob. Third stop, Pink's! I was a first timer there and honestly, it wasn't as great as everyone hypes it up to be. It was a good hot dog to me, nothing more, nothing less. Forth stop, was Sprinkles! Then I went home and did some scrapbooking. I just got back into it. (I used to scrapbook A LOT in grade school.) I was looking through my mom's albums and how exciting it was to look back on her days and it inspired me to start making albums beginning with my college years! Not gonna lie, but this album looks pretty dope so far! =] alot of hard work goes into it HA!



My birthday is approaching and I can't believe it's almost a year since my debut! Boy, has life changed A LOT! For the better though =].

So of course I had to think of what I want for my birthday! Well, here's the list:

-YOU AT MY PARTY
-Well, I don't know if I'm having one but if I do..all I want is you and all your friends there! I want to have "one of those parties" where everywhere I turn, I don't know the person. It's just one of those choatic yet fun party!
-If I were to have a party I want a keg so everyone will have fun!
-A Jager bottle.
-Tarino Tarantino jewelry.
-MY OLD JEWELRY BOX. If someone finds, I will burst out into tears. It would mean the world if someone found it.
-Car seat covers.
-Little Big Planet.
-Another remote of for my PS3.
-Scrapbook stuff (paper, scissors with designed edges, pictures to add to it, stickers, etc.)
-POLAROID FILM, POLAROID FILM, POLAROID FILM, POLAROID FILM, POLAROID FILM, POLAROID FILM.
- a snowboarding trip.
-My Girl 1 & 2 on Blue Ray
-Back to the Future Trilogy***************

Drunk bowling

Every time I go out I'm always the only girl. And I completely love it. I don't mind being surrounded with a bunch of dudes. In fact, I would rather be with just guys. Less drama. I mean, I have a select few girl friends but other than I can barely tolerate girls! I just think they're so.......girly. No offense or anything! It's because guys just DON'T GIVE A FUCK. And that's how it should be. I should be able to burp, drop "f bombs", fart, have fun!!!! I sound hypocritical since I like fashion but if you really do know me...I act like a guy!

Well, I spent Friday night with my old high school friends. We ended up playing beer pong and just having fun!! I really do miss high school..the people in it. It's just weird 'cause at school people don't get my jokes like how they do. It's just that whole transition phase sucks. But college is no social grounds for me, so it doesn't phase me that much. It was just fun hanging out with them and sharing that same humor that only our group understands!!! Good fucking times.

Yesterday, I finally got to see my dad's ex-gf and her family! It was really sweet walking into the house and having the little kids surround me with tight hugs and "Happy, play with me please!". I felt like I was home again walking around her house doing the usual ritual of kissing the titas and then taking a seat at the table and eating. We caught up with how we're doing and it seems as if nothing had happened between her and my dad. Unfortunately, I flel asleep when her and my sister conversed about the break up. Long story short my dad has not yet learned to overcome his stubbornness and sad to say it, but selfishness also. I mean, 13 years after a divorce you would think he would learn but I guess not. I guess they were close to getting married but he told her he was scared which is understandable, but I don't see why he can't just let loose. I'm just more proud of her of standing up for herself with my dad because as being his daughter that is something very difficult to do. It was just good seeing her and her family again!

I went drunk bowling last night. I bet you can imagine how fun that was!

Started the New Year with a bang!!

Well lets just recap how wonderful my night last night was!!

-started off at Vistro's house. Right when I stepped on his door way, he passed his room and he was shirtless." Vistro, you're naked!"
-picked up Jordan at a friend's house and went to his house to watch Street Kings. Two thumbs up btw.
-went to a Yorba Linda kickback where I counted down.
-lost in a beer pong game.
-looking around the house for food and I found "pandesal".
-since I had no one special to kiss on New Years, I made Mr. Miller Light my man for the night.
-had a bomb head change in the car ride to Dave's house.
-at Mobil I told some dude he can cut in front of me and was telling him he should feel honored that he was the first guy I let cut in the 2009 while poking him.
-calling these filipino peanuts "palabok" because I didn't know what the real name for it and from then on palabok was everything to me.
-drunk dialing Nikki and telling her that I took my Lactaid when I ate palabok 'cause that shit has CHEESE =/. I don't remember what else I was rambling about. Nikki might has to refresh me on that.
-I drunk texted a lot of people which I rarely ever do. I was probably bored drunk in the car and wanted to pesterize my people.
-Arrived at Dave's pad and popped my first squat "of '09" 'cause I HAD to OK!
-Took a couple more shots and stuffed my face with my first banana "of '09" and water.
-Played Guitar Hero and finally killed it on the drums with "Damnit". I play better when I'm buzzing it.
-The car ride home was the best!
-"Oh, is that Lambert I see? Time to whoop out my stog!"
-"You guys...have you been on a carabow...'cause I want to ride one".."WTF STEPH?!!!!!!!"
-"Are you from....'duh states'?"
-"PALABOK PALABOK PALBABOK!....palabok for life."
-"Love season is in progress...don't stress! Love is like a fire on furnace!"
-"Shut up, you're gonna make me choke on my pancit."
-"Is there carabow in this!?"
-*sees a car with the hazard lights on* "DAMN, stay away from that car..it's hazardous!"

And then I drove home and knocked the heck out!!

Here are some of pics!

These are the peanuts that I named "palabok".

And this was the drunk text to Justin.
Hey, gotta let him know who's boss with my girls! HA jk.

New Years Resolutions

Smoke only the weekends (sadly, that's a challenge!)
Eat healthy (eliminate Hot Pockets out of my everyday diet ]=)
Limit my spending on snacking (that shit adds up!)
Find a hobby that I love and keep up with it
Learn that being single doesn't mean my skies are grey....................
Which also means LEARN HOW TO BE MISS FUCKING INDEPENDENT. I certainly don't need a man in my life.
Also, learn to take risks and let go of my guard just a little.

Winter break has been absolutely amazing besides the fact that my father never puts his children as #1 on his priority list. It's pretty sad how I've gotten use to his "I'm sorry Happy but maybe next week!" that it doesn't phase me. But once my sister got mad, it hit me hard how we're never fucking first in his life. Somehow some things are more important rather than his own children. Another reason of my why I consider my friends, my family 'cause they've shown more love and support. And I've given him chances for us to get closer but all he ever does reply with a "Oh I see" and continue with what was on his mind while I telling him how my life has been. For all fucking sake, I can tell him I'm pregnant and he wouldn't even notice what I said. It hurts even more to know that he's not supportive with my major in Business Entertainment, since it's not nursing. But when he sees that I'll be making that six figure salary he'll show me off like as if I'm his trophy child. It's not even just that though, I want him to be happy for me. I want his love and support. And most of all his dedication as a father.

But WHATEVER, fuck it. Since I lacked so much guidance as a child, I'm fucking independent now. I don't "need" them. And it's pathetic how my parents don't see WHY I'm like that too.

UGHHHHHHHHHHH! This is too overwhelming.

Party on bitches!

Well, this winter break has done me good so far! Last weekend I was pretty much drowning in alcohol, and I think it's time to really lay off of it. Or at least be more responsible! Stupid me.

Christmas was good also. I spent it with my mom. It wasn't a big celebration so it was more intimate which I really appreciated. It was just sweet seeing each others face when we opened our gifts. I bought us matching PJs. I think I'm going to make it tradition. My mom got my sister and I matching robes! My sister got me another guitar for Rockband (but I'm exchanging it for Little Big Planet!), cymbals for Rockband, AND MY DIRT DEVIL CONE VACUUM IN PINK, suckahs.

I just can't believe that the year is coming to an end! That quick, ay? 2008 was my favorite year and I'm not exagerrating at all. I have a feeling 2009 will be another good one. I fucking love my life and everyone who is part of it.

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
Only smoke on the weekends (I should really just quit though =[)
SCHOOL FIRST, party second
Don't waste so much money on food

I miss

sleep overs with a boy! (Not that I'm saying I sleep over boys' houses a lot!) But just that feeling of having someone's arms keeping you warm and safe. And waking up to next someone special.

Goodbye 08! You did me good.

As the new year is fast approaching, I thought I would briefly summarize how wonderful 2008 has been, since it's truly the best year of my life by far.

I started off the year with a bang. I was in my first serious relationship and I turned 18. I was constantly busy and on the go with planning my debut, debut practices, dance captain for Red and Gold, and maintaining good grades at school. Life was just completely blissful! I had nothing to complain about. I had a wonderful boyfriend, my family was being functional for once, I was passing my classes with semi-flying colors. Then Cupid decided to be an ass and my 8 month relationship ended unexpectedly. I can say that this year was the year I experienced "love". I wasn't in love but I was falling in love. Unlike other years where my main problems in life was family..this year it was the evil curse of a heartbreak that every teenage girl dreads but has to face one day (or in my case a good couple months). As I thought my world was going to end because my love life did, I found my two best friends.

By the end of June, I graduated high school and I was that teenage girl with the only things in her mind for the summer was to...sleep in and party till dusk. Well, I certainly did just that. Summer was such yet another learning experience. I had my share of good times and drama. I even experienced with E two times. I'm not proud but it's yet another learning experience and one that I certainly will not do again.

This year was also my first year of college. My sister told me that in college it's where your life will totally change. And it seemed so cliche so I didn't really believe till it happened to me. Just a few months ago I was living such a different life. I was so confused with my "identity". I was uncomfortable with my surroundings and no, school had nothing to do it. College, the school aspect of it, was actually unsurprisingly likable. I'm the type of student who doesn't care too much of group work and I'm used to independent work, so college was easy for me. It was what happened outside of school that really affected me. Even after a summer of close bonding with my best friends, I felt myself drift away from them. It's not that they were bad people, it's just that I felt I needed to grow apart from them to find myself. I started questioning why does it have to be so hard just to feel comfortable with a group of friends. Why does my social life have to be so hard like as if I had to do some fucking miracles just to find a genuine people?!! (All my life, I was never really part of a certain clique. It was just me and one or two best friends..and if I wasn't with them I was with my current bf.) Well, I told myself life ain't fair! So just fucking suck it up. And I did. Things changed drastically just a couple weeks ago and I finally got what I deserved...true friends. It just feels so good to know that I have a set group of friends now. And it's not that it's a "group", it's 'cause I know each of them care for me just as much as I care for them. I'm SO grateful to have them in my life.

So in all this year I learned: even though I gave my 1oo-and-fucking-10% in a relationship and it doesn't last, it's doesn't mean I did something wrong..it just wasn't meant to be. Things DON'T come easy to me and not going to lie, I'm an open-minded thinker. I just don't think of how I feel, I think about how the others feel too. If I'm at fault, I'll step up and apologize! Anyway, as the saying goes, "things happen for a reason" and it's true! I guess this is where I get all my "optimism" from. Everything really does happen for a reason and sooner or later you'll realize why. It's just with me the period between of when something happens to the time I'll realize why, is when I get super impatient. I start to blame myself of why all this shit is happening to me even though I'm being completely stupid. I just need to learn patience. I've learn to accept that things don't come easy with me even when I deserve the best, to be bluntly honest. Family, friends, relationships. All of that has been so hard to maintain. I do get jealous seeing other people have it easy with family, friends, and relationships. Because I've never cheated, always been caring, not jealous, not possessive, respectful, all that jazz. I just didn't understand it but now I've come to accept that the time isn't now. And I'll have to be patient even when it hurts so bad. But at least I've found my true friends!!

Reading this whole blog makes me excited for what 2009 has to offer me! Also, this isn't even everything that has happened to me. Some things that happened to me this year, I can't explain through words =].

Fucking tired

I'm so sick of being the fucking responsible one in the house! Why can't I for once be the child. THE ONE BEING TAKEN CARE OF. Fuck this shit.

If you're going to lose my shit, then fucking find it! And no! Your fucking money isn't legit enough because that jewelry is from my family and friends...there was actually thought behind those things...unlike your signed checks.

Who ever said rapping was easy!

On the way to the Common show, Melissa and I decided to make a video while stuck in traffic. &I attempted to rap.....FAIL.





Common delivered an awesome performance even though his set only included 5 songs, which two were "Go" and "The Light". I've never been a big fan of Common but now I love his music. I loved how he interacted with the audience and pumped us up. And in all honesty, I am a major fan of Kanye but he lacks communication with his fans when he performs! But he still manages to keep our full attention. I don't know how he does it but he's..Kanye. I love live music. I wish I was rich so I can attend all the concerts in the world. There's just such an unexplainable feeling when I hear music live.

On a another note, I wish that my parent's would actually BUY me a gift. Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate the money they give me, but it just seems there's no sentimental value to it. All they do is sign the check and "Merry Christmas baba!". ALL I want is some fucking thought behind a gift. For goodness sake it can be a hand made card because at least they put some thought into it. I do get jealous when I hear my friend's stories of how their parents went OUT OF THEIR WAY to find their gift. When will my parent's go out of their way for me?

And this makes me miss my dad's ex-gf even more. Every Christmas she bought my sister and I something we really wanted. It wasn't even about the materialistic thing, it was the love behind it. I really miss Sunday brunches with her and the kids. Oh I really miss those kids. I "hate" how they got attatched to us though. They sometimes call me and ask me when I'm going to come over and play. And I have to pretend to be hopeful that one day I will come by 'cause I'm crying on the other end of the phone. I watched those kids grow up and I miss them so much. I miss my second mom. She really compensated for what I didn't receive in my childhood. I miss having someone concerned about my life..someone who actually took the time to sit down and talk about how I'm doing in life. I mean I'm old now and matured but shit...when will I actually get that parental guidance. I've never been grounded before and that's because I think my parent's don't care enough.

Anyway, I've been noticing that my lust for a relationship has died out. I think it's 'cause I've been hanging out a lot with just a bunch of dudes. Thank goodness. Who needs boys anyway? I'm Miss. Independent damnit.

I'm pretty sure I have A's in my Psy and English class. But for my business class, shoot, that's probably a solid C HA! =[. Next semester I'm taking 18 units. FML right? Whatever, gotta do what chu gotta do. I'm pretty excited though. I love learning...believe it or not.