"My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned"

This whole week I've been a hermit crab and stayed home. People have been asking me why I'm hiding and truthfully I don't know why. I enjoy my space but by the end of the day I'm dying of loneliness. And not even just loneliness because I lack a love life but from everyone. I'm probably just PMS-ing but this problem reoccurs constantly so I know it ain't just my mood swings. I know some people are surprised by when they read this because I don't mope around when like this. The last thing I want is to burden my friends with my emotions (that they have heard one too many times). Well, it's October and it's holiday season. And it's like a slap on my face of how I hate my single life HAHA. All my friends want to go to Knott's Scary Farm..with their boos and I'm left with no one. I know it's not a big deal but it ISN'T fun being odd wheel out! And then it's Christmas season. And you know how that is. But for the past 3 years I've always had someone special to share that holiday with. HOPEFULLY, I didn't just jinx that. Whatever. I wanna kiss someone on midnight too!! I love this season.

Anywho, I looked back to my LJ to where I was last year 'cause I like to compare if I "improved in life". Well, around this time last year was Dustin's HC. I was looking at pictures and we look SO young. I guess the only thing I really like compared to last year to now is my hair is longer. Yeah that's it. Fuck my life.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE, I was thinking how '08 is the best year of my life..lets recap since I've got nothing fucking else to do..

-I had my "Super Duper Debut"! And it was the best day of my life. Everyone I loved was in that room with me! Also, everyone and their mama saw my chas chas and my drunk ASS on the dance floor. I started early! Psh, who waits for the after party now-a-days.
-I had my first experience with E (and weed). I'm not proud of it but at least I won't be curious anymore. Best drug I've tried but I don't need it!
-Glow in the Dark Tour. NEED I SAY MORE!! SHIT WAS SOOOOOOOOOO SICK.
- I was Red and Gold Dance Captain. I choreographed my own piece and taught it to a bunch of girls who had little dance experience. Stressful?!? YES! But all worth it.
-I graudated! I miss high school. I miss the rountine lifestyle. I miss being stupid for now reason. I miss my lovely friends who I saw everyday at the table. Senior year was the best year.
-Summer 08 was the best summer of my life. It was filled of clubbing, hookah-ing, bumming it at home, clubbing, and a little bit of drama.
- Indoor sky diving
-Crying hysterically at Nikki's Surprise Party. I was CRYING AND CRYING. Of course, everyone was entertained though.
-The Heist that one night where I was crying 'cause no one brought me to the bathroom that minute. LMAO.
- Okay, I'm too lazy to think of more.

But of course how I can leave out the biggest thing I felt this year...a taste of love. I know I'll be fine writing this because time has finally kicked in and I'm little more than OK. This was the year I was involved in a serious relationship. I can finally say that I never felt that way till I met him. I know that relationship is that "unforgettable one" because it was the best one. He was the best one. I've never had someone treat me like a princess and I've never enjoyed someone's company as much as his. I got along with his friends and his family. Waking up next to him in the morning, baby talking with him, sleeping on the phone with him, and right when I was just getting comfortable with everything, it ended. It happened so fast that I couldn't even fully enjoy "us". There's been countless nights where I would cry myself to sleep. I would try to make sense out of everything, but one thing I truly learned out of this relationship is that I deserved better. I gave my everything to him. I don't know any other girl who put her heart and soul into a relationship as much as I did. It's not that he treated me wrong, I really couldn't ask for more to be honest, but I didn't deserve to be left. This just opens my eyes to what I really want in my next boyfriend and I won't settle for less until I find that one guy. I can say I know what I want. I really know what I want. I'm not confused or anything like. I know who I want, I just haven't met him yet. I'm ready to fall in love. I've been ready. I just want to meet someone who is too.

I've also learned that no matter how careful you are, shit happens. And most of it's out of your control. It's happens for a reason. Right now I'm figuring out why it happened..still.