Red, yellow, yellow, blue, pedal!

So last night I decided to spend the last dollars of my debut money on a PS3 and Rock Band (I only purchased the drum set though). It came out to be a whopping.."FUCK MY MOM IS GONNA KILL ME" dollars. Why did I want to purchase such an expensive item? Fuck, I don't know. I love Rock Band and plus the consule includes Blue Ray and it has WiFi (I just keep telling myself the perks to make sure my money didn't go to waste. So after playing for a good 3 hours I have mastered the easy level and I am transitioning in medium. My goal is to beat the hard level by the end of the year. I'm taking this too seriously.


My mama don't love me 'cause she hasn't called me since she left for the PI. Not going to lie but I hope she showers me with souvenirs......FOOD. I want pastillas and Chocnut and new packs of So-ens.

These days have been really good btw!

If know me then you should know how much I am in love with the Disney movie, High School Musical. (It is my guilty pleasure). Last night I, along with girls of the Tripod, went to the midnight showing. Throughout the movie I couldn't help myself but say "awwwwww". I don't understand how two people can have that much chemistry. That shit isn't real in life! And that's what makes it so entertaining. Nonetheless, if you enjoyed the last two movies then you will love this one. Also, I didn't know it was possible for a boy to be so gosh deng good looking!!!!

Anywho, I'm in English class and I feel like I am freezing my ass off. This class is a joke. They placed me in English 100 so I expect to be taught in that level but no...we're learning how to fucking WRITE an essay. I already know this. Give me a challenge, fuuhhhhhhh!

I haven't cruised around in a longgggggg time. I need to find friends who would want to cruise around and not just go 63 mph down a hill.

I have an open pad for the next 2-3 weeks! Party?????????????????????

"Dude, you guys I have leprosy!"

Saturday night was my cousin's bday party and we drank zee night away! It was good seeing the family again. My asian glow was in full effect and it resembled "leprosy". Also, it's official..I suck at scherades.

My grandpa left today to go back to his hunny (my grandma) in the PI. I'll miss him. I'll miss him bugging me to eat even though I just did. I'll miss hearing his humming and whistling throughout the house. I wish they were both here. My mom also left too...so open pad? Party? We'll see, we'll see.

Life has been chill. Just focusing on me for once...s'all good!!!

TWO YEARS AGO..

...I haven't fucking changed when it comes to relationships. I mean I have matured but my mentality has not changed (if that makes any sense). I'm just really shocked looking back at that entry because I was 16 when I wrote it. I was at such a young age but I really knew what I wanted and I still do. My pickiness is what hasn't changed. I guess I've gotten a little lenient because I've dated a few guys. My Livejournal really holds a lot of shit that has happened in my life. Oh boy them Wonder Years (as I call it) were so bittersweet. It holds everything since sophmore year and gross...my scenster years! I'm glad I've been blogging because I have so much to look back to now.

ANYWHO, I've been MIA and I don't mind it at all. But I've been feeling all cutsey lately =]. Tehehehehe.

I can't wait till Kanye's new CD hits the stores. I'm fucking stoked if you ask me! I'm down to drop some Benjamins on his next tour again. It was worth every penny.

I'm a Ghostbuster for Halloween. The only thing is I have nothing planned for that night though =[!!!

GROWING UP

A lot has been going on in my life and I think I need some time to myself to figure things out. THEREFORE, I will be MIA. Don't worry I'll keep in touch if I find it beneficial.

ANYWHO, I won tickets on Kiis FM for the Jimmy Kimmel show which Kanye performed at. It was fucking amazing. We were so close to him!!! Then, we hungout with some fun people at Roscoe's.

This week has been very comfortable. It's what I needed because of what has been happening to me lately.

I've been deprived from the internet for a whole a week and I really like it. I have one on one time with my lovely plasma tv in my room. (I'm at using sister's computer.)

Right now I'm focusing on school and who the fuck I am as stupid as it sounds!

"Can I sketch you?"

So I'm sitting in my school's library trying to figure out why I can not connect to the internet when all of a sudden this guy asks me if he can sketch me. I agreed to go along with it. I didn't have to stay still because he told me to continue what I do was doing. It was just awkward having a random guy keep starring at me. This guy was quite something for a stranger. He wanted so bad to talk about "life" with me and I was completely open with it. It all started about how he questioned emotions and I was like perfect! Grill me about emotions because we are learning about it in my psychology class. We talked about business and our career paths. He really kept telling me that with my attitude I can really be successful. I ONLY KNEW HIM FOR 6 MINUTES. He just kept asking questions (which I really wish I can remember) about how I would handle situations. I would tell him and he told me I seem pretty aware of my surroundings and I'm not impulsive. I think rationally and carefully. He said he really "admired" me for that and I was like..kindda creeped out? But I told him along with all of that I have my pride...with dating that is. Then I gave him my whole speech about how I know what I want in a relationship and I do not settle for less. Fuck, my expectations are high as it is and if I do meet anyone not only do they have to meet those expectations, they have to be above that (if that makes sense). And then he concluded that all ex-es set the standard! And it's so true! Come to think of it, every boy I have been involved with made me set more standards for the next. My first boyfriend set the standards really well (because he was the all time asshole) and I guess it shows 'cause all the boys I have dated are really nice (except for one). They are just really nice, genuine boys!

So in all I had an intellectual conversation with a complete stranger today. His name is Kalvin though. Like Calvin Klein! Hahah reminds me of Back to the Future.

Today I also settled some shit. It felt really good but most of all..comforting.

This is the sketch. Too bad I don't have big lips like the ones there!! Not too bad for doing in like 7 minutes.

Throw it back

TO A YEAR AGO!

Aw, my old room! Deng, I dress slightly different now. I wouldn't wear that today for sure.

Rosary Day!! Who would have known that a year later we would be best friends. My hair is longer now too!! It's up to my boobs. YES, PROGRESS!

This was at Melissa's bday dinner at the Irvine Spectrum. We ran into some HUGE dogs. And that pose was completely candid. I swear! That dog was like a pony for me! HUGEEEE dog. I was all giddy when I saw them.

My Homecoming! WOW, one of the best dances. Party bus of 40 and after party at my friend's mansion. My make-up was gross!!

My debut court. Oh, waking up at 7 in the morning on Sundays...

Rosary Day!

Dustin's Homecoming! Yes I wore my dress twice. I didn't mind to recycle since my parent's were under stress with the finance of my debut haha.

After party! Buzzy wuzzy.

TWO YEARS AGO!!

My mom accidentally saw this picture and was like, "WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE DO YOU HANGOUT WITH!"

I wanna go back to blonde but just thinking about the time, money, AND damage I'm gonna get myself into..ain't worth it!

Looking back at these pictures makes me truly grateful for the EXCITING life God has blessed me with. Even though my life is really unstable, it also gives me opportunities to experience things other people can't. Every year I change kind of drastically. For sure, I don't hangout with the same people I did two years ago and even a year ago. Every year changes and for the better! My life is inconsistent but in the end I tend to like it a lot because I've explored so much. I just realized that now I look at things at a different positive perspective. But I'm really ready just to settle now...

Enough of this serious stuff. My grandpa came home with goodies from the PI and one of them is pastillas. I swear, I've gained a good 3 pounds!! Yayyy..not.

Anywho, did you guys register to vote like I told to? 'CAUSE I DID ALREADY.

Here are two pics from this weekend. It was alright.


I don't know..but I haven't been myself lately.

I can never rely on her for anything. I can't even rely on her for emotional support but now she lost my jewelry box that holds like 3 pieces of my Tarina Tarantino collection. That shit is easily worth 500 stupid bucks!!!!

I thought she's suppose to be the responsible! Once again she proves me right about my negative notions about her! HA! Stupid!

Anywho, GO VOTE! I keep telling myself that I want to make a difference in the world, well here's my chance......

"My soul has returned so I call it a lesson learned"

This whole week I've been a hermit crab and stayed home. People have been asking me why I'm hiding and truthfully I don't know why. I enjoy my space but by the end of the day I'm dying of loneliness. And not even just loneliness because I lack a love life but from everyone. I'm probably just PMS-ing but this problem reoccurs constantly so I know it ain't just my mood swings. I know some people are surprised by when they read this because I don't mope around when like this. The last thing I want is to burden my friends with my emotions (that they have heard one too many times). Well, it's October and it's holiday season. And it's like a slap on my face of how I hate my single life HAHA. All my friends want to go to Knott's Scary Farm..with their boos and I'm left with no one. I know it's not a big deal but it ISN'T fun being odd wheel out! And then it's Christmas season. And you know how that is. But for the past 3 years I've always had someone special to share that holiday with. HOPEFULLY, I didn't just jinx that. Whatever. I wanna kiss someone on midnight too!! I love this season.

Anywho, I looked back to my LJ to where I was last year 'cause I like to compare if I "improved in life". Well, around this time last year was Dustin's HC. I was looking at pictures and we look SO young. I guess the only thing I really like compared to last year to now is my hair is longer. Yeah that's it. Fuck my life.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE, I was thinking how '08 is the best year of my life..lets recap since I've got nothing fucking else to do..

-I had my "Super Duper Debut"! And it was the best day of my life. Everyone I loved was in that room with me! Also, everyone and their mama saw my chas chas and my drunk ASS on the dance floor. I started early! Psh, who waits for the after party now-a-days.
-I had my first experience with E (and weed). I'm not proud of it but at least I won't be curious anymore. Best drug I've tried but I don't need it!
-Glow in the Dark Tour. NEED I SAY MORE!! SHIT WAS SOOOOOOOOOO SICK.
- I was Red and Gold Dance Captain. I choreographed my own piece and taught it to a bunch of girls who had little dance experience. Stressful?!? YES! But all worth it.
-I graudated! I miss high school. I miss the rountine lifestyle. I miss being stupid for now reason. I miss my lovely friends who I saw everyday at the table. Senior year was the best year.
-Summer 08 was the best summer of my life. It was filled of clubbing, hookah-ing, bumming it at home, clubbing, and a little bit of drama.
- Indoor sky diving
-Crying hysterically at Nikki's Surprise Party. I was CRYING AND CRYING. Of course, everyone was entertained though.
-The Heist that one night where I was crying 'cause no one brought me to the bathroom that minute. LMAO.
- Okay, I'm too lazy to think of more.

But of course how I can leave out the biggest thing I felt this year...a taste of love. I know I'll be fine writing this because time has finally kicked in and I'm little more than OK. This was the year I was involved in a serious relationship. I can finally say that I never felt that way till I met him. I know that relationship is that "unforgettable one" because it was the best one. He was the best one. I've never had someone treat me like a princess and I've never enjoyed someone's company as much as his. I got along with his friends and his family. Waking up next to him in the morning, baby talking with him, sleeping on the phone with him, and right when I was just getting comfortable with everything, it ended. It happened so fast that I couldn't even fully enjoy "us". There's been countless nights where I would cry myself to sleep. I would try to make sense out of everything, but one thing I truly learned out of this relationship is that I deserved better. I gave my everything to him. I don't know any other girl who put her heart and soul into a relationship as much as I did. It's not that he treated me wrong, I really couldn't ask for more to be honest, but I didn't deserve to be left. This just opens my eyes to what I really want in my next boyfriend and I won't settle for less until I find that one guy. I can say I know what I want. I really know what I want. I'm not confused or anything like. I know who I want, I just haven't met him yet. I'm ready to fall in love. I've been ready. I just want to meet someone who is too.

I've also learned that no matter how careful you are, shit happens. And most of it's out of your control. It's happens for a reason. Right now I'm figuring out why it happened..still.

I feel left out a lot.

NIGHTMARES ooOoOOOo

As always, once I have a nightmare it's expected for another week I'll have sleepless nights from it. This time it was just bizarre and eerie. In my dream, I saw two HUGE roaches crawling in my hallway. I quickly stand up on my bed stand and spray them. But the weird part was that I can see my reflection even though there was no mirror in front of me. Well, while I was spraying them I noticed that two roaches were crawling on me! I was freaking out and hysterically crying. I ran to my mom about the problem and then my whole family got together for a ritual to terminate all of them. The ritual was the odd part though because for the ritual they had to spray the outlining of roaches on the wall and they had to make me hold a windchime full of roaches to complete it. It was so weird and DISGUSTING! Then next thing I know I'm at school but it took place in the 70s. The people in it were funny though. One of them had a fro and the other had a jerri curl! HAAHAAH.

I woke up and I searched for an interpretation of it. It said I needed some fucking spiritual cleansing! HAHAHAHA or I need to confront something with someone. But as of right now, life is fucking splendid! No drama, just school and keeping up with a social life that doesn't include drugs. Yes, alcohol but I see no reason why I need to cleanse myself from that since I drink responsibly. Maybe, I need to go to church? I think that's it. I really want to. I miss church...no lie.

As of this week, I am a woman of healthy choices. NEW DIET pretty much. It's not 'cause I think "I'm fat" but what do I gotta lose when I eat healthy? It's a wise decision but I just need to stop smoking. I love fruits. I feel healthier already!!!

Today I asked my dad if he was bringing Ate Feley with him to the my cousin's wedding. And he responded with a "I have to tell you something." And I knew something was wrong. They broke up a long time ago but he never wanted to tell us because he didn't want us to lose touch with her. She is my second mom. I receive that comfort and love that I honestly never really felt in my life. I know that their break up won't affect us as much but it explains why this summer we didn't have those Sunday breakfasts we usually have. I'm worried for my dad as well because I want him to be happy. He kept on repeating that they're still friends and I'm glad to see that he still has spirit. But I've never seen my dad that happy in my life and the only thing I really want in my life is to see my family happy. I'll also miss her. In some we she compensated what I didn't have in my life till she came in and that's why she's so special to me. I hope things won't change. On a slighter note, I think that conversation bonded my dad and me. I think he finally sees me as a young adult and we can have mature conversations. It feels good.


Anyboob, I love this show...I'm gonna buy the DVD. It inspires me to have a big family. My dream...to have a family along with my loyal, loving hubby!! Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

This was summer. It was my turn to push the cart and my sister pops a bag of toilet paper in it. And then, "Steph, where are you??" ha-ha-ha

And here's me at one of my worse times. I always told my current lover at the time to NEVER EVER surprise me at school 'cause it ain't worth it =]. I miss uniform. Looking like a bum was fun. Bad hygiene was the way to be at RHS...no one understands that unless they graduated from it.