The (not so) big one nine!

Last weekend was my birthday weekend!! It pretty much consisted of my family and friends dinner at BJS. Party of 40! Woo! Then, a party at my friend's friend's house. Just good times like the usual. Then my actual birthday I just chilled with my friends since it was on a Monday. I really couldn't ask for anything more since I got everything I wanted, not materialistic wise.

I guess I'm used to not expecting much from people. It's pathetic how most of the time I'm true though. Whatever, I'm slowly growing over it. Can't wait till I completely do so I won't fucking get hurt anymore.

I can't believe February is just in two more days. Life does go by fast when you're having fun =]. But fuck Valentine's Day! All my friends are going to be busy. Ugh.

"When in doubt, bar it out!"

So today I basically just hungout with Brian. There was completely nothing to do. Every person we called was at home. So what was there to do? Go to the bar of course. They don't card so it was no hassle to get alcohol. We were just chilling with our beers and talking. I might move in with him and Giann this summer. Honestly, I wouldn't room with anyone else but them. It's really better than rooming with a bunch girls.....seriously. But the only things holding me back are 1) My parents don't have money to spend on rooming just like that. Therefore, I might have to pull out on some loans. And I've given this a lot of thought. I don't want to have to deal with paying loans when I get married and start my life. I don't want the start of my life with stress with debts. I'm only thinking about this so my future later on can be a breeze. Economy is bad as it is and it might get worse through the years.BUT possibly moving out would be the wise choice. Moving out would mean less stress to handle therefore succeeding more with my schooling. It goes both ways. Deal with debts while suceeding more in school or graduating with average grades without no debts. I DON'T KNOW. 2) I don't want to leave my mom alone. I don't want to get into too much detail about it, but I'm just so worried who is going to take care of her when I'm gone. I know that MYSELF is priority but family comes first and foremost, even before me.

Lately, when I'm at home I think a lot about where I am in life. I'm sure most of you do too since there's really nothing to better to think about than yourself, right? But anyway, I was thinking about how I've never been happier in life. I finally found my group of friends who I don't have to worry about impressing or having non-sense drama with. Like what Brian said, "When you're with us, there's nothing to worry about." I finally feel comfortable and happy with a group of best friends. I've gone through so much with friends and it's come to this. Sure, I had to deal with a lot of emotional stress but it was all worth it. Cheesey as it sounds but it's really the plain truth. And I'm also proud to say that I'm happy..without a man. Life is good. Life is at it's best. I thank God for blessing me with such wonderful friends and a loving family.

SO happy

We finally started dancing in my hip hop class at school. And even though it's just a small class, nothing too extravagant, it makes me so happy. Besides being with family and friends, nothing can make me happier than dancing.

Fuck, if only I kept up with it. That's the ONE thing I regret in my life..

Small, small world.

I got bored and decided to hook up my old computer together. The first thing I did was look at old pictures. And it was just really weird seeing my ex-boyfriends be connected to each other somehow! I really hope that the next boy I'm involved knows no one who I know. It's rather quiet....awkward when my ex knows my ex. Or I should just stop dating 909/626 boys. It's not like any of them lasted anyway................................(no intention to make them look bad, it's just that none of them lasted).

Also, looking through the pictures it reminded me of how much of a "lost" teenager I was. I was so easily influenced with which ever group I was part of. I was just completely lost with myself. At least now I know "what's right and wrong" now! Gosh, I was such an idiot back then. I would usually party with college people (bc my friend at the time was in college), drink on the weekdays, come home on the wee hours of the morning. No wonder why my mom wanted me back in private school! I just grew up too fast but I calmed down a lot now. I've got my head on straight! I just can't believe I started drinking at the tender age of 16. I was a wild child and sure did show it with my blond hair, grey contacts, fake eyelashes, and high heeled boots. Don't know what I'm talking about! LOOK!

Haah it's out of order.

This makes me want to cut my hair again! BUT NO!!!!!!! NEVER AGAIN.

OH MY.

One drank isn't enough!

Hip hop at its finest.

While drinking with the homies, Vistro and I were flipping through the iPod and came upon some old hits. I don't know any other friend who knows the same old school music taste as me! We started blasting some Naughty by Nature, Public Enemy, and Blackstreet! Then, we went on Youtube and started searching for 80's and 90's hip hop hits so we can make our SICK ASS mix cd. Gosh, it was bringing me back to when I was 5. Despite at how young I was, good music was no stranger to my ears. I always wished I was older like my cousins who rocked the overalls with one side unhooked. They were always bumping their TLC and Boyz II Men as if they owned the neighborhood. I was just so influenced to such (what I think is) good music. A little over 10 years later "hip hop hoorrrayy" never seems to get old. Even though at the time and even still now, I may not know all the titles of the songs or even know the artist, know what hood they grew up in, all that stuff..but I do know what good music sounds like. I just think its unfortunate that today hip hop music has evolved into something I don't love as much as I do with earlier music. Maybe that makes that music so good is its history. But still...music today just isn't the same.

So speaking of old school, I was VERY VERY fortunate to see Boyz II Men in concert this last Tuesday. The following words doesn't justify how I really felt. No exact words can really explain their performance. It was to say the FUCKING least......amazing. They played their old hits like, "On Bended Knee", "End of the Road", "Water Runs Dry", and of course "I'll Make Love to You". A year or two ago they released a CD containing of Motown classics like "All This Love" and "Just My Imagination", which they performed along with the smooth choreography artists of the 50s did. 18 years (I can't believe they are as old as me) later they still have that energy to entertain their fans. Not only are they astounding singers, but they are passionate about their talent. Passionate yet humble. Their "thanks yous" to the crowd is so modest, not like the artists today. They bowed after every song and when they shook any fans hands, it was with a firm grip. I just don't see that gentleman-like attitude today in entertainment. Times have really changed.

A night I will never ever forget!!

Here's one of the videos from the concert..(I can't upload the other ones =[)

Just want to jot down some plans for my life.......

-Get the fuck out of FJC when I'm 21.
-Be an intern at a radio station this upcoming summer.
-Take summer classes to lessen my stay at FJC.
-Pretty have NO social life. That's going to be so hard with me.
-Graduate by 24 with a bachelors in Business Entertainment.
-Be really happy with my career choice while making $$$ so I can live comfortably for myself and my family.

I don't believe

in love anymore. I see it but don't feel it.

It's all stupid shit to me now.